Articles

You will gain money by an illegal action.

Q: Why does Washington have the most lawyers per capita and New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps? A: God gave New Jersey first choice.

You have been selected for a secret mission.

You have Egyptian flu: you're going to be a mummy.

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

Q: What is printed on the bottom of beer bottles in Minnesota? A: Open other end.

In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards. -- Mark Twain

Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's new lover.

... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. -- Mark Twain

You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.