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2019-07-12T17:20:43

Q: How many marketing people does it take to change a light bulb? A: I'll have to get back to you on that.

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2019-07-11T22:07:40

A man was reading The Canterbury Tales one Saturday morning, when his wife asked "What have you got there?" Replied he, "Just my cup and Chaucer."

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2019-06-25T09:16:59

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

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2019-06-24T06:33:59

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. -- Mark Twain, on New England weather

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2019-06-18T08:04:33

"You have heard me speak of Professor Moriarty?" "The famous scientific criminal, as famous among crooks as --" "My blushes, Watson," Holmes murmured, in a deprecating voice. "I was about to say 'as he is unknown to the public.'" -- A. Conan Doyle, "The Valley of Fear"

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2019-06-18T03:10:12

If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end. -- Mark Twain

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2019-06-18T03:10:07

Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.

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2019-06-15T02:19:25

Q: What is the difference between a duck? A: One leg is both the same.

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2019-06-13T13:34:22

Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to demand the time of the day. I wasted time and now doth time waste me. -- William Shakespeare

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2019-06-13T02:33:38

You need more time; and you probably always will.

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