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2019-08-19T15:55:46

Slow day. Practice crawling.

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2019-08-18T16:56:44

Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.

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2019-08-14T23:57:52

As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport. -- Shakespeare, "King Lear"

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2019-08-14T21:39:59

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

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2019-08-11T23:15:50

Water, taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody. -- Mark Twain

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2019-08-06T01:34:16

The Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest is held ever year at San Jose State Univ. by Professor Scott Rice. It is held in memory of Edward George Earle Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873), a rather prolific and popular (in his time) novelist. He is best known today for having written "The Last Days of Pompeii." Whenever Snoopy starts typing his novel from the top of his doghouse, beginning "It was a dark and stormy night..." he is borrowing from Lord Bulwer-Lytton. This was the line that opened his novel, "Paul Clifford," written in 1830. The full line reveals why it is so bad: It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents -- except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

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2019-08-03T12:27:06

Stop! There was first a game of blindman's buff. Of course there was. And I no more believe Topper was really blind than I believe he had eyes in his boots. My opinion is, that it was a done thing between him and Scrooge's nephew; and that the Ghost of Christmas Present knew it. The way he went after that plump sister in the lace tucker, was an outrage on the credulity of human nature.

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2019-08-02T04:58:46

Are you ever going to do the dishes? Or will you change your major to biology?

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2019-07-28T17:08:10

Q: What do you call the scratches that you get when a female sheep bites you? A: Ewe nicks.

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2019-07-25T17:03:32

A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price.

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