Articles

You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here.

Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today.

If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all. -- Oscar Wilde

"What's this? Trix? Aunt! Trix? You? You're after the prize! What is it?" He picked up the box and studied the back. "A glow-in-the-dark squid! Have you got it out of there yet?" He tilted the box, angling the little colored balls of cereal so as to see the bottom, and nearly spilling them onto the table top. "Here it is!" He hauled out a little cream-colored, glitter-sprinkled squid, three-inches long and made out of rubbery plastic. -- James P. Blaylock, "The Last Coin"

Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? A: One less drunk.

You will gain money by an illegal action.

Q: Why does Washington have the most lawyers per capita and New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps? A: God gave New Jersey first choice.

You have been selected for a secret mission.

You have Egyptian flu: you're going to be a mummy.

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.